We met.
We found.
We friend-ed.

I did my first mistake, unintentionally for the meaning yet intentionally for the word.
"you are not good looking" was the word.
I just wanted to let you know, I fell for you, for you, not your looks.
That is the first time of me being perfectly honest to get someone I want,
and frankly, it failed.
Now I know, the words after that sentence doesn't matter.
My first sorry for that.
I love you not because you are beautiful, but you are beautiful because I love you.

I started calling you everyday,
whenever I'm free,
whenever I misses your voice,
and mostly, midnight.
I changed you into a nocturnal,
occupied all your free time.
My second sorry.

Someone once called you,
despite that she's not that close to you,
she called,
and asked you to accept me?
I didn't ask her to do anything like that,
but it's for me she did it.
My third sorry.

Frankly speaking,
I really thought we used to fell for each other instead of me falling for you alone.
I started doing stuff only boyfriends would do.
Frequent calls, what-I-am-doing report text messages, and so on.
Will never do stuffs you dislike, blahs.
I didn't know doing all those stuff pressures you.
Again, I'm sorry.

One day, I sent a joking text message with the content,
"You'll be my girl soon, real soon" and you replied,
"I'll never be yours" and so I called,
told you bout' my feelings for you,
asked you bout' your feelings for me,
and that event all your answers was mostly "I Don't Know",
I asked what's our problem and you said you was afraid.
At that moment I felt so bad letting you know bout' my past,
but I didn't regret it,
my past, now, and future,
that's all me.
My fame, as if I got any?
Even if I did,
you know I'm willing to let it go for you.
I kept on persuading that I'm not the old me.
I wanted to prove.
But you don't let me to.
And so I asked,
What do you want then?
You demanded for friends.
My phone went out of battery.
While rebooting the phone,
I struggled in thoughts and came up with,
I-thought-would-be-the-best-solution-for-us,
which is unfriending you.
I think you know bout' my determination don't you?
I won't stop even you said we're impossible,
I just won't,
and I felt that I'm depressing you with my acts,
and I rather I'm the one taking all the pain.

You cried after knowing my thoughts,
that shattered my heart and adds another thought in my head,
"She do like me too don't she?",
then another decision came into my mind.

Let's unfriend her and friend her back as a new friend?
But that ridiculously childish thought didn't work.
Our relationship had been awkward since then.

When I said sorry, I meant it and I said it just to let you know that I realised my mistake and I'm not gonna make that mistake again.

I started acting strangely.
doing things that is so NOT me,
throw tantrums on you.
I got my reasons for all that,
are you interested in knowing?
does it matters to you?
Hmm.. I really don't know.

Sadly,
till now I'm falling for you,
every single love-related stuff that;
I hear,
I listen,
I felt,
reminds me of you.

If, as a boyfriend,
I could do so much for you,
I've already place you first before anything.
But, for the mistakes I've done and my past,
I could do nothing but sorry.
What's done is done.
Something is irreversible.

If I got a second chance,
I would choose not knowing you,
not because of all these pains I'm suffering now,
but because of all these pains you're suffering now,
and knowing that my existence in your life brings you nothing but misery and sorrow.

You are the world for me,
but because of me,
my world's in pain,
So I chose to sacrifice myself,
for your happiness,
that never could come from me.

My birthday's approaching,
and for the first time ever I wished for a,
selfishLESS wish,
for you to be happy.

For you,
I can do so many things and yet still feeling like I've done nothing.

I'm a nocturnal now. I started sleeping real late as soon as I graduated from high school.
It has been more than a thousand days since then.
Nothing's more difficult than sleeping early.
Someone once said, "If someone can influence you to sleep early, she'll be your bride".
Honestly speaking, for you, I'm trying.
So does it consider as influencing me?

I might have ALOT in the past due to my immaturity.
Things that are done cannot be undone so there's nothing I can do.
But I can tell you that I do hope you'll be my last.
Does that matters to you?

I wished to tell you every single thing I'm doing, thinking, feeling, experiencing and so on.
Anticipate for 12am everyday so that I can listen to your voice.
Nomatter how harsh you are to me, I will endure it and still giving you a happy tone.
Everyone has limits, every single time you say "byebye" as soon as you picked up the phone,
It hurts me real bad.

I always wished you could tell me everything, happy or unhappy.
Knowing you're happy, I'm happier.
Knowing you're unhappy, I'll try my best to cheer you up.

Knowing that you dislike being controlled or directed to do something,
I always give suggestions and ending it with a "As long as you're happy, I'm fine."
but you always take it as a threatening sentence.
For example, you asked me not to call you anymore and I said that.
I really meant it.
What can I do but to listen to you if that's what make you happy?
Either I'm bothersome or I'm really not your cup of tea
and that is something I couldn't change.

You must be thinking,
"Then why when I said you're my didi you just won't go according to my wish?".
Lemme ask you,
"If a cat saw a mouse, can it pretend as if it's a cat and won't go after it?".
You know my feelings for you.

I'm not rich,
I'm not good looking,
I'm not romantic,
I might not be the kind of person you wished to be with,
But I'm always me, myself,
the person who care for you unconditionally,
the person who puts you before most of the things,
the person who will be so faithful to you that even the most gorgeous women on earth won't be able to seduce him.

I might seem exaggerating.
But I'm writing this by the thoughts in the deepest of my heart.
There's alot more that I wished to elaborate on my thoughts and feelings
but I just can't find a suitable words or sentence to describe it.

I wanna know,
What do you think of me?
What's your thoughts in all this?

So many things happened to me all of sudden that it is indigestible. Family, Friends, Finance, and love.
I'm tryin' my best already.
Tolerating something that used to be intolerable for me.
Bein' nice although bein' treated badly.

When I say these;
- I miss you
- you're the first person I'm doin' this to
- I care
- go drink meds
- nobody else matters when you're around

I MEAN IT!
but you just won't take it seriously.

I've always tell myself to give up.
Stop wasting time, it doesn't worth the effort.
Fullstop!
But it just won't happen.

You once said, You're waiting for someone to say "I like you" so that you will reply with "I like you too".
Now I'm telling you, "I like you".
Whatever you answer is, lemme know.
So that I can go on,
or go away.

You know just who you are.

Wait for you - Elliot Yamin

I'm sorry for;