Vita Dolce Moderato

你不知道的事

2011-07-10T02:09:00.002+08:00

Somehow, someday, sometime, somereason,
I fell for you.

Anyhow, anyday, anytime, anyreason,
I started putting you in front of anything, even myself.

For me, you're the right one,
For you, I'm just a friend.

Nothing or nobody,
can influence my emotions as much as you do.

You said, "you'll forget me soon",
I said, "it'll never happy".

You said, "go for others",
I said, "I can't".

I never lie to you,
but you never believe in me.

You told me bout' other guys,
frankly speaking, I am jealous.

Even so,
I never gave up or even thought of giving up.

Till someday,
problems appeared before me.

Family, Friends, Financial, Studies, Personal,
all having indescribable problems.

Due to all those problems,
I can't even take care of myself nor protect myself,
how can I take care of you? protect you? provide you happiness?
I can't.

I've always act smart,
always trying to carry the whole burden by myself,
making silly decisions that I thought would be good for us both.

That's when I decided to unfriend you,
and I thought I would find you back after everything's settled,
problems solved.

That's a grave mistake that I made,
I didn't care bout' your feelings at that time,
I just thought it would be the best for you.

I started throwing tantrums,
acting differently,
contacting lesser and lesser.

I thought to treat you colder before things get deep,
I can't even take care of myself, how can I take care of her?",
that's the excuse I made.

I thought I can handle it well,
not finding you and stuff.

Then came my birthday,
somehow, I really wanted you to be there,
but you wouldn't come.

You went out on that day,
but you just wouldn't come my celebration,
it hurts, it really hurts.

I went Oldtown with my aunt,
discussing future plannings,
you passed by giving a "sarcastic?" or "awkward" smile.

Seeing someone I love doing that to me,
it literally killed my mood that day.

I had a happy yet unhappy birthday,
Steff and my bro went out on the exact day of my birthday,
giving me a surprise that nobody gave me before,
birthday song appeared in the midst of our karaoke singing session,
some fellas from KBOX came in with a cake in their hands,
I'm so touched that I nearly shed tears,
at the moment I thought,
"Wow, I can be real happy without your presence in my life",
with that thought I came passing by Coffeebean,
saw a guy that I met once and wanted to say a simple "hi",
then I noticed you sitting right opposite of him,
hiding your face so awkwardly.

The awkwardness, jealousy, anger in my mind at that time....just indescribable.
I just wished to solve my problems secretly before letting you know all these truths.
But I am afraid you won't be there when it is done.

I am gonna tell you all my secrets,
but do you even wanna know?

Us, sorry.

2011-07-03T03:37:00.006+08:00

We met.
We found.
We friend-ed.

I did my first mistake, unintentionally for the meaning yet intentionally for the word.
"you are not good looking" was the word.
I just wanted to let you know, I fell for you, for you, not your looks.
That is the first time of me being perfectly honest to get someone I want,
and frankly, it failed.
Now I know, the words after that sentence doesn't matter.
My first sorry for that.
I love you not because you are beautiful, but you are beautiful because I love you.

I started calling you everyday,
whenever I'm free,
whenever I misses your voice,
and mostly, midnight.
I changed you into a nocturnal,
occupied all your free time.
My second sorry.

Someone once called you,
despite that she's not that close to you,
she called,
and asked you to accept me?
I didn't ask her to do anything like that,
but it's for me she did it.
My third sorry.

Frankly speaking,
I really thought we used to fell for each other instead of me falling for you alone.
I started doing stuff only boyfriends would do.
Frequent calls, what-I-am-doing report text messages, and so on.
Will never do stuffs you dislike, blahs.
I didn't know doing all those stuff pressures you.
Again, I'm sorry.

One day, I sent a joking text message with the content,
"You'll be my girl soon, real soon" and you replied,
"I'll never be yours" and so I called,
told you bout' my feelings for you,
asked you bout' your feelings for me,
and that event all your answers was mostly "I Don't Know",
I asked what's our problem and you said you was afraid.
At that moment I felt so bad letting you know bout' my past,
but I didn't regret it,
my past, now, and future,
that's all me.
My fame, as if I got any?
Even if I did,
you know I'm willing to let it go for you.
I kept on persuading that I'm not the old me.
I wanted to prove.
But you don't let me to.
And so I asked,
What do you want then?
You demanded for friends.
My phone went out of battery.
While rebooting the phone,
I struggled in thoughts and came up with,
I-thought-would-be-the-best-solution-for-us,
which is unfriending you.
I think you know bout' my determination don't you?
I won't stop even you said we're impossible,
I just won't,
and I felt that I'm depressing you with my acts,
and I rather I'm the one taking all the pain.

You cried after knowing my thoughts,
that shattered my heart and adds another thought in my head,
"She do like me too don't she?",
then another decision came into my mind.

Let's unfriend her and friend her back as a new friend?
But that ridiculously childish thought didn't work.
Our relationship had been awkward since then.

When I said sorry, I meant it and I said it just to let you know that I realised my mistake and I'm not gonna make that mistake again.

I started acting strangely.
doing things that is so NOT me,
throw tantrums on you.
I got my reasons for all that,
are you interested in knowing?
does it matters to you?
Hmm.. I really don't know.

Sadly,
till now I'm falling for you,
every single love-related stuff that;
I hear,
I listen,
I felt,
reminds me of you.

If, as a boyfriend,
I could do so much for you,
I've already place you first before anything.
But, for the mistakes I've done and my past,
I could do nothing but sorry.
What's done is done.
Something is irreversible.

If I got a second chance,
I would choose not knowing you,
not because of all these pains I'm suffering now,
but because of all these pains you're suffering now,
and knowing that my existence in your life brings you nothing but misery and sorrow.

You are the world for me,
but because of me,
my world's in pain,
So I chose to sacrifice myself,
for your happiness,
that never could come from me.

My birthday's approaching,
and for the first time ever I wished for a,
selfishLESS wish,
for you to be happy.

As long as you're happy.

2011-05-26T02:40:00.005+08:00

For you,
I can do so many things and yet still feeling like I've done nothing.

I'm a nocturnal now. I started sleeping real late as soon as I graduated from high school.
It has been more than a thousand days since then.
Nothing's more difficult than sleeping early.
Someone once said, "If someone can influence you to sleep early, she'll be your bride".
Honestly speaking, for you, I'm trying.
So does it consider as influencing me?

I might have ALOT in the past due to my immaturity.
Things that are done cannot be undone so there's nothing I can do.
But I can tell you that I do hope you'll be my last.
Does that matters to you?

I wished to tell you every single thing I'm doing, thinking, feeling, experiencing and so on.
Anticipate for 12am everyday so that I can listen to your voice.
Nomatter how harsh you are to me, I will endure it and still giving you a happy tone.
Everyone has limits, every single time you say "byebye" as soon as you picked up the phone,
It hurts me real bad.

I always wished you could tell me everything, happy or unhappy.
Knowing you're happy, I'm happier.
Knowing you're unhappy, I'll try my best to cheer you up.

Knowing that you dislike being controlled or directed to do something,
I always give suggestions and ending it with a "As long as you're happy, I'm fine."
but you always take it as a threatening sentence.
For example, you asked me not to call you anymore and I said that.
I really meant it.
What can I do but to listen to you if that's what make you happy?
Either I'm bothersome or I'm really not your cup of tea
and that is something I couldn't change.

You must be thinking,
"Then why when I said you're my didi you just won't go according to my wish?".
Lemme ask you,
"If a cat saw a mouse, can it pretend as if it's a cat and won't go after it?".
You know my feelings for you.

I'm not rich,
I'm not good looking,
I'm not romantic,
I might not be the kind of person you wished to be with,
But I'm always me, myself,
the person who care for you unconditionally,
the person who puts you before most of the things,
the person who will be so faithful to you that even the most gorgeous women on earth won't be able to seduce him.

I might seem exaggerating.
But I'm writing this by the thoughts in the deepest of my heart.
There's alot more that I wished to elaborate on my thoughts and feelings
but I just can't find a suitable words or sentence to describe it.

I wanna know,
What do you think of me?
What's your thoughts in all this?

2011-04-25T03:17:00.000+08:00

I'll be right here waiting for you.

Its too much.

2011-04-21T21:49:00.002+08:00

So many things happened to me all of sudden that it is indigestible. Family, Friends, Finance, and love.
I'm tryin' my best already.
Tolerating something that used to be intolerable for me.
Bein' nice although bein' treated badly.

When I say these;
- I miss you
- you're the first person I'm doin' this to
- I care
- go drink meds
- nobody else matters when you're around

I MEAN IT!
but you just won't take it seriously.

I've always tell myself to give up.
Stop wasting time, it doesn't worth the effort.
Fullstop!
But it just won't happen.

You once said, You're waiting for someone to say "I like you" so that you will reply with "I like you too".
Now I'm telling you, "I like you".
Whatever you answer is, lemme know.
So that I can go on,
or go away.

You know just who you are.

I'll be waiting.

2011-04-03T00:49:00.003+08:00

Wait for you - Elliot Yamin

[Verse 1]

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

[Bridge]

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

[Bridge]

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

[Bridge]

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

[Chorus]

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

I'm waiting for a boar. haha. It's just like the lyrics. I really don't know what I can do besides waiting. Let's skip this. There's some friend I knew just recently but I won't name them. One of them spent time going lunch with me listening to what I've got to say. Thanks. Another one of them spent almost entire night chatting with me on the phone. I really enjoyed chatting with you.

Will be going to KL tomorrow. Stay tuned for updates.

p/s - I'm happy by just seein' you for a short while everyday.

I'm sorry.

2011-03-28T02:01:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for;

- being too honest
- hurting you

What I typed to you wasn't what I really meant. I don't know how to express my feelings in letters and that's why I always wanted to clear things up face-2-face. I thought what I typed will make you feel real happy that I want you for you and not because of what you looked like and I don't think you look bad at all. I'm just trying to make you feel good by saying that I don't mind how you looked like as long as it's you. You have my sincere apologies. I will make it up to you, I promise.

Thanks to you.

2011-03-27T01:55:00.003+08:00

I used to be a real badass playa back then with a several girlfriend at a time when I was real young till I met someone really special. I remembered I met her in mgs funfair. I still remember the scenery where she's at the music playing area with some boys around her and she's wearing a cap. She left me with an impression, "wow that girl's cute". Then I forgot I added her up or she added me up in Friendster and I'm the first guy to be able to get her number before really knowing her in person.

The first time I called her was right before her trip to HongKong where her voice totally melted my heart. It was and it is the sweetest voice I've ever listened to and she in return fell for my laughter? I think so? haha. The first movie for us was "Surfs up" and there's alot more that I remembered but I don't think I'm gonna name them all out.

From a total playa where I would accept any girl as my girlfriend as long as she's not bad looking and can have more than 5 at a same time to a guy who won't even talk to a female friend of mine. At that time, nothing's more important than her to me and I would've given up just about anything just to be able to see her smile.

But we soon ended up separating anyways. I'm not gonna share out the reason of it in public. For my friend who's interested in knowing, ask me personally.

The reason I wrote all that is to tell how grateful and blissful I am to be able to be with her. Without her, I might still be playing around. She's havin' an ever so happy life right now and she have my blessings. Stay happy at all times. Thank you, again.

To be honest, I've never really liked or felt for anyone eversince but now there's someone really special to me. She's the first person who said that I'm fierce, scary, bad and there's something wrong with me. She's not good lookin', weird and scary to me too but she's the only person I've never stopped contacting her eventho contacting her costs me a bomb! I won't say "you like" for all things but when I did say it then I really want you to make up for a decision where I'll really respect it. You always let good guys slip off your life but I think for the moment I won't go anywhere just yet but if I'm still scary and not your glass of coke then "I might disappear too".

YOU know who YOU are!

Too much of a sudden.

2011-03-23T20:56:00.002+08:00

Too many tragedies happened on me. I got 4 flat for my last semester result so what? That didn't cheer me up by a bit. No need to wait for 2012 as 2011 is already somewhat apocalyptic for me.

FML

DOs & DON'Ts

2011-03-22T03:26:00.004+08:00

Okay. Say goodbye to my sweet one week semester break and say hello to my brand new semester. It's gonna be a tough one.

Let's make up a simple summary of my holiday. It started with a growing realisation of the complexity of my life, some come n' go in my friend's list, financial crisis hits my family, my dad lost his bmw, and some same old boring stuff. It's okay tho, Imma very optimistic person and let's move on from the past as it's already decided.

I've got some do's and dont's for the upcomin' days. First off for the do's, Imma get myself a girlfriend. Who'll be the unlucky one? If I happened to find you voluntarily, you might be it. teehees. Gonna study real hard, hardcore. Change my friggin' permed hair into something else as I saw someone just did his hair somewhat like mine. Ish. For the dont's, I've only got one worth mentioning right here right now. Don't ever over-trust someone as most of the people around me tend to misuse my trust. If I don't trust you, I won't tell/ask you anything personal.

A friend of mine got hurt, bullied by higher authority, and feelin' boring in her job. I don't know why I'm so concerned bout' her. Worried bout' her all the time. Tryin' to reach her at all times but am afraid I might annoy her? and I don't wanna disturb, nag, grumble her all the time as someone special to her is doin' that right now. And for your apology, I won't accept it. I'm not offended in any of your thoughts or words. So, no more apology. In fact, I should be the one apologizing for making you feel like its really something not right with me. I do know you're mentioning me and I think you know I'm mentioning you too. I really do hope that my first wish's gonna come true;)

Hasta La Vista, baby.

My cousie's birthday, a lil' futuristic chat and a movie motivated me.

2011-03-20T05:09:00.002+08:00

Firstly, I would like to wish my cute lil' cousin sister Annie Yip, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! She's officially 13 I guess? We bought her a indescribably wonderful cake which looked just like a barbie doll. It's a cake with a barbie with a huge umbrella bottom thingy dress where the dress is the cake and the barbie's of course, a barbie. haha. Had fun at the party.

I followed my aunt's car to my shop right after to settle some stuffs and we went for a drink later on. We chitty-chatty bout' fashions, brands, plans and shit. Me and my aunt do get along quite well and some of my friends even mistook us as a couple. My aunt's young by the way. Our talks solidified my future plans.

I went home right after the drink and started movie-ing again. I watched "Devils", "Final Destination 4" in 3D and "The Social Network" and the latter made my day. It motivates me into doin' things I wanted to do but am afraid of. It's 5.15 in the morning now and yet I'm not feelin' tired or sleepy by a slightest bit. Am I a freak? I think I am. XP. That's it again for the night or morning and I might be bloggin' again tomorrow night if something unusual happened or something worth blogging for. See ya folks. Pictures of the cake might be uploaded as soon as I get my hands on it.

Its just another Friday.

2011-03-19T01:13:00.003+08:00

Woke up 2 hours earlier than usual today thanks to VivianLaw. Had some sort of simple yet delicious nasi lemak for my brunch. Watched "Jumper" usin' my dad's blu-ray decoder. It'll be really good if I can teleport here and there without consequences of course. Besides that its just a normal day.

I'm enjoyin' some hot milo, and playing some DotA now.
That's it for the day! :D

Unusual Thursday night.

2011-03-18T03:11:00.004+08:00

Clement, one of my college friend gave me a call to ask me out for a drink right before I was about to take my batheee and my dinner. KinLoong, another college friend of mine is goin' for the date too and I called him to gimme a ride and he waited me for half an hour downstairs. My bad! I ate my dinner in his car when we were goin' to Clement's house. We went into his house for a short while before leavin' to Ipoh Parade. We parked our car despite a small accident happened while reversing our car. We went to "Rocusa" for some drink. We went there for the sole purpose of my friend seein' his girlfriend who's working there.

We went to the night market nearby my house after that as planned. Wanted to eat ahpung and fried cempedak but we got there late and they're closing. We went for Lolo and ordered for honeydew lo but it is sold out so I got myself a mango lo instead. Bad luck huh? My friend sent me home right after.

Got home, online and saw someone got injured while working. Must be careful next time! Webbie-ed with my BFF, VivianLaw for a while till my aunt came over to my house to check out my dad's blu-ray decoder and brought me and my bro out for supper with her boyfriend.

p/s - MYM raped Shift 2:0 in Intel Challenge Supercup. Shift played real bad.
- Boarling boarling boarling boarling boarling~ idk why i wanted to type this. XD

2011, a catastrophic year.

2011-03-17T16:50:00.005+08:00

The year 2011 started catastrophically for me. I have to go thru alot of ups n' downs which people usually refer "up" as positive events and "down" as negative ones but for me it's different, somehow. For me, "up" refers to the increase of problems and "down" refers to my mood? I may sound absurd to you but that's how i feel for the year. I've got problems with family, friends, money, health, and etc. Hmm.. it's the re-beginning of my blog. Will it last? Will I update frequently? Who knows eh? But I want my blog to be like a diary so i might update daily.

So it's Thursday again, a usual one that is. I woke up around 2p.m. sweatily. My room's like a vacuum with an aircond and my mom turn off the aircond when she wokes up at 5a.m or so? I think that explained my sweaty condition. I turned on the aircond, went to bathroom to "xuxu" and washed my face. My mom bought me chicken rice for my brunch and I finished it while watching my own DotA replays. I only sat down and online all the way after that. Wanted to text someone tho but I've promised to stay away so yeah.

p/s - night market tonight!! ;)